bleacher report superfan

Bleacher Report was this content farm punchline for forever, a sports blog pyramid scheme that you’d finally have to explain to your dad if you wanted to liberate your inbox from Subject: Fwd>>>Top Ten Google Image results for Auburn Football emails. And it pretty much still is in a lot of ways. (And in a lot of ways, hey that’s fine, more search engine power to you, Featured Writer #7,683, “Reads” ahoy. It’s really only annoying when I see Featured Writer #7683’s 400 Hottest Oregon Cheerleaderz slideshow make Google News results when TWER regularly breaks real stories that receive national attention but is repeatedly rejected from consideration. I’ve revealed too much.) But they’ve tried to make the leap into actual, not just perceived legitimacy in the past year or so by standing up for themselves in comment threads (Lordy, forgot how many there were) paying real people real money for real things, people like Justin. I was of course super pumped for him (cause the money is actually great… they were bought by CNN or something I think he said and are just sitting on mountains of internet cash, like that Jessie Pinkman “Money Money Money” party scene) and he’s been doing great from what I can tell. And he asked me be the Auburn half of this Iron Bowl Q&A thing (Our Auburn fan is Jeremy Henderson. Henderson is the editor of The War Eagle Reader and serves the community <<YES! YOU’RE WELCOME!>> as a local historian <<YES! HOUSEL WHO?!>>and authority on all things Auburn <<YES!>>and Auburn fandom) they posted today. Turned in the answers super-quick super-late last night. Kind of pleased with myself on a couple of them. Which is sad, but whatever.


I think about my family and how I should be working even harder to provide for them. Cam makes me want to be a better man. He’s an inspiration.

They needed a picture and I sent a couple that I knew would go with the tone and they said yes, it would go with the tone, and they went with “the one where you’re looking into the camera,” Justin said, “and not off of it like a pretween selfie.”

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He interviewed me for something about the 2010 Iron Bowl, too. Probably running tomorrow. Beat Bama.

vhs valhalla

The Incredible Story Of Marion Stokes, Who Single-Handedly Taped 35 Years Of TV News

I recently had the Santa talk with Sadie, which is a post for another time (she threatened to kill me in my sleep, ha ha ha #1992nbcminiseriesworstfearnightmareLOL) I’m sure will never come. But it’s weird watching the magic drain from your child’s eyes, magic you put there, your magic. She’s fine of course, and the different kind of magic is in her eyes now and focused on Phoebe, making sure Christmas never dies and such. And it makes me reflect on my own history with Christmas, which used to be such a huge deal for me, I mean, huge, pre-Santa, post-Santa (if there is such a thing). And I think I’m beginning to get back that do-nothing joy of Christmas morning a bit, though nothing like my own childhood of course, which is totally impossible. But if there was one thing that could get me there, I mean right back there, as there as you can get, maybe even further—that clock-less miracle moment stretched to an infinity of no school and nothing but pure toy pleasure (a new Nintendo and 10 games and a snow day and pizza and your mom napping and 2 p.m. forever) it would be stumbling all “sure ma’am, I’ll help you with that, and hey, Merry Christmas… oh wow, those a lot of boxes, you’re getting rid of them?” onto effing 35 VHS years worth of local news. I mean, holy Lord. Of course I’d actually need some fantasy computer digitizing presents for Christmas. And I’d need to start a blog where I somehow didn’t care about what anyone thought about what I thought about anything, but you let me worry about that part, heavenly daydream Santa. You put me in VHS Valhalla and I’ll find a way to get over myself.


Why am I this way? Why is that such a turn on (9. slang  a person or thing that causes emotional or sexual arousal)? I remember reading some Christian angel warfare novel (non-Peretti) when I was 14 or something and the main character first person angel’s name was Recorder and I remember really identifying with Recorder. I mean, you should see my room, my office, and I’m told I’m officially like, in the one percent of individual Carbonite users in terms of storage, most of it photos of strangers — or at least photos. And home movies. And writings and screen caps and scans, and I guess I should just stop thinking about it. That’s who I am. And the woman in this story, according to her kids, was just religiously committed to recording and keeping the local news not (solely?) because she was some OCD case, but because she was straight up convinced that what she was doing had worth beyond making her feel good, that it would be used one day, needed one day, vital one day. Which is totally how I feel. Which I know is hoarderrific, I guess, judging from the psychologists on the hoarder shows — I mean, that’s what you do, hold onto it because you think you’re going to need it. And I do that, but only stuff with sentimental value, and only because then I think I can make art with it—a constellation of reference points to connect. Some sort of wonderful novel based entirely on the freshman year folder in the closet i never use, stuff like that. I mean, i actually have plans to write a novel entirely about a church trip based only the cinematographically nauseating video i took of the trip. I think it’d be awesome. And going back to the news stuff… because, yeah, of course it was news. Because there’s something about that local TV news. There’s a vibe to it. I think I actually wanted to be a meteorologist growing up, like Jerry Tracy. It was awesome to keep up with who was new, who was leaving, who was moving to a new station, who was–oh man, is that Mike Royer?–getting baptized, bragging to people that my mom froze or helped freeze or whatever Janet Hall’s bra when they were both in high school together… a few years back I even wanted to write a novel about the local Birmingham news market or whatever… and oh MAN if only that woman lived in Birmingham, I could TOTALLY do it! DO YOU KNOW HOW AWESOME THAT WOULD BE? I WOULD BE THE FATHER OF ENTIRE NEW LITERARY FORM.

God bless you, Marion Stokes.

minnie driver, wikipedia editor

If, like me, you’ve lately been wondering “Whatever happened to Minnie Driver? She was so cute in the late 90s, so British, so It… Good Will Hunting, Gross Pointe Blank, that heart movie with David Duchovny… I miss that girl, I just know we would have been friends “, then you’ll be happy to know that she’s living in Poland and has found gainful volunteer employment as a Wikipedia editor…

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… which I learned today after donating $3 to the big W. I do it every year. Because whatever, Wikipedia kinda rules. Except for that lowercase “g” on the “God” at the bottom. There is no way Polishpedia Minnie-ganger is a lowercase g kinda girl. Probably need to flag that, editors.

I actually took the time to download / upload this video.

it’s all about the information

I’m pretty good at impressions and I just now totally mastered Ben Kingsley’s accent and meter and inflection and everything from that rooftop scene in “Sneakers,” especially the “I don’t expect other people to understand this…” line, which is a pretty bromantic line.

I feel like i have so many Cosmos in my life. More on that another time I’m sure. But yeah, I was just in the kitchen and nailed it a few times (I may have freaked out my neighbor — you have to say it pretty loudly to hit that gritty sweet spot in your throat) and wanted to share. I would do a video of myself saying it, but it sounds so exactly like this there’s really no point.

[Cross-posted at MATLOG.]

composer, vocals

Apparently I have an profile, whatever that is. Grid so hard!

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Did Joey and the gang actually credit me as “recording manager”? I know they had it down as being recorded at the Bo Jackson House, which is what I called our place on Gidden Street for the three shows we had there (still hard to believe). But we had actually just moved to Sanders Street and so Bo was empty and perfect for a studio, or would have been had there been running water, which there should have been, but the water works, no friend to the Auburn music scene, had turned it off a few days early and locked the meter thing in the yard. So my duties as recording manager consisted of letting them in the house and popping the lock with bolt cutters (which I’d gotten quite good at by then) and letting them crank the heat however much they needed. They needed it a lot. The world was frozen. The night before, we’d all caravan’ed back to Auburn from a joint Haints / Auburn Bikini show in Birmingham at The Nick of all places (I think the Haints played, too — maybe they all just met us there or something) in pouring down ice at maybe 40 mph. It took four hours. Gas stations didn’t have power. It’s a big memory for Jennie and I, the whole weekend. Still talk about it.

Anyway, glad they did if they did (which yeah I think they did and which they obviously must have) because man, I’m listening to it again and that album is great. Joey Barrier hittin’ on all cylinders. It’s on Spotify.

where i ramble about stan white when i should be making my dreams come true

Turned a sentence I was going to use in a story about the 1899 Auburn-Georgia game in a separate post (trick of the trade), something quick and dumb about the 1992 game, which weirdly I had almost forgotten about. But when I found that video, yep, totally the way I remember it. Exactly. So here’s the screen cap of Stan White I used for the preview window on the homepage. Because I liked it.

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I’ve always liked Stan White. Wish there were more solid memories of him. But I guess there are enough. I just called him (left a message) about maybe interviewing tonight on It’s Pronounced Jordan. I don’t know, I just like Stan White. Great quarterback, and he’s actually really good up in that broadcast booth. America is better for him.

Also, I really don’t consider that a mullet. Some Georgia fan on the message board where I found the video was all LOL about it. But I think there has to be intent with a mullet, like, you have to be going for length, i.e. a subversive-ish long-hair-on-a-dude statement. With Stan, and even with Saved By The Bell era Mario Lopez (which is pretty much his only era, right? Save his right place / time side-by-side with Miss The Iraq And Such As), I think it’s just the cut or something, if that makes sense. I mean, you’re allowed to have hair on the back of your neck a little. Mine starts growing out and looking dumb, but that doesn’t make it a mullet.

I mean, here, even in high school. He’s just a dude, right? That was four years ago and I didn’t think to try to take a quick, easy, mullet snark angle to the post. And no one left any mullet comment or anything… no spamlink to a or something.

Hope to hear from you, Stan!

whoomp, hair it is

Rarely post photos of the fam and stuff (right? I can’t remember), but the late afternoon sun has always done amazing things to my daughters’ hair out on the trampoline and we’re out here now and finally… I finally got the static just the way it really looks in those OMGDon’tMove dad moments.


Thanks to Samsung, and to God be the glory.

boris babes

was fooling around with google reverse image search and this is the one i tried and totally thought it would have popped up everywhere, but no, nada — so boris, if you’re reading this, these girls totally seem legit and probably aren’t catfishing you.

borris becker girls

i must have gotten it from the sports illustrated vault’s twitter account—guess twitter feeds don’t register—which is beyond great exactly for things like pictures of mid-80s teenage german tennis groupies. and i thought it’d be kind of cool to be the only place to find it on the internet, at least with the image search thing. cause you could obviously just fish back through the twitter feed; now i don’t feel so special. but you get the idea.

i was totally a boris becker man growing up, had his racket and everything… which i guess is really to say that i had his racket, a boris becker junior, and that’s what made me a boris becker man—i was just super proud of that racket for some reason, thought the tinted signature across the strings alone upped my game or something. told everybody. unzipped it nice and deliberately at the tennis day camp things i would go to at the rec center (could have been a contender!). I was later really into michael chang man because of the underhand serve. i secretly kind of like tennis and remember more and more that i watched it a decent bit as a kid. makes me feel special since david foster wallace was so into it and everything.

exploring cheerleader gender roles in 1970 knoxville

I can’t really think of a good pun or anything. I was just prepping a post of some old Auburn-Tennessee game footage for TWER and saw this and hit pause. Makes you wonder if this was some sort of cheerleader thing to do at the time. But I Googled around for Guy Cheerleader Rides Girl Cheerleader’s Back type stuff and couldn’t really find anything beyond porn plot outlines (which I suppose I should have anticipated). Though judging by the dude there on the left, I’m not the only one it made go hmmm…

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Whatever works I guess.