all i want for christmas is dragon voice recognition software

… but i just checked the tracking and the thing won’t get here till freaking Monday. Yes, i ordered it, God help me. Paypal was flush with cash and I saw the commercial and the commercial got to me. I said let’s do it, Jer. Let’s order it and then you’ll just be able to speak your dreams and visions into existence just like the Lord, rather than having to close your eyes and tilt your head aback and hammer away at the keyboard without looking at the screen to hope get the spontaneity down the way it needs to in order for all the millions of people reading this to see into your true nature, your true genius.

I know there are plenty of pitfalls, or plenty of reasons why it totally might not work, but again, the cash was there and I felt like it was worth the risk. Because i have had whole novels lost to me in the shower, you know? Seriously. so many things just disappear because I’m not at a desk when it comes to me. Well, wait, Dragon isn’t necessarily going to be able to help me with that, but I’m imagining being able to just sit there in the chair and wait for inspiration to come to me — maybe I’ll kick back and watch the opening to House of Cards and see what happens, see what that sirs up, and just start talking. the major thing I’m worried about is being nervous about it. i mean, I’ve tried talking into a dictaphone before and it hasn’t worked, but i feel like this will be different. And it will be. With the recorder going, you have to worry about the dead air, imagine yourself having to listen back to it and being embarrassed at the sound of your voice and stuff, and that throws you off… and having to touch the button and time up the starts and stops and stuff throws you off. But with this, it just types what you say. i just watched a YouTube video of it, some dude with a hardcore southern accent, and it seemed to work fine. The other weird thing is going to be trying to find alone time so I won’t be self-conscious talking about secret Jer things out loud. I know it won’t always be there. I know I’ll probably have to keep working my fingers even though i don’t want to. And that’s one of the appealing things about it. Because I’m beginning to hate typing and such. But i felt like this was worth it, to see how it could affect my writing, to see if it could revolutionize things. Blogging too, of course. What if i t can? I’m so pumped. But i knew i needed to write about it now, move my fingers about it–about anything–right now, not totally succumb to the Christmas laziness, and man it’s here and it’s here hard. All i want to do is YouTube Matlock and tweet screencaps of Conrad and Morgan Girard and Kari Lizer and stuff. It’s so weird… why do i want to do that? Oh well.

tomahawk tones

Obviously feel guilty about liking this so much.

Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve kinda had a soft spot for FSU since I was a kid. It’s like I hated them of course, but respected them. And dug the chop. And the chant (again, please don’t tell). And my favorite aunt, the wife of my favorite uncle, went there. More on all that later and on everything else that’s happened since the greatest moment in sports history, which has been a lot. A lot. A lot. My cup runneth over. Just grooving to this till I get the time.