i carrie you in my heart

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In 1991, I asked the woman on Prodigy who knew all the celebrities address for Carrie Fisher’s. Carrie sent me an autographed photo. She wasn’t wearing the bikini. It was just a head shot but still. It’s in the storage unit. More on all that stuff later.

She died. Text from the mother-in-law. Good grief. It’s enough to make me stop rolling my eyes at all the 2016 blah blah blah. PRINCESS LEIA.

And I’m not going to let myself feel bad for calling her that. From what I can tell she embraced the life Star Wars handed her. Which really makes me want to believe that she is — she was — fine with where she lived in my mind. That she would have been fine with the Return of the Jedi bikini picture I decided not to tweet out the other day with the #Prayers when the heart attack happened. She knew what she was doing. Everyone did. I was four years old. It was on a giant screen. Anyone who says that that can’t be the first thing I think about is a jerk (unlike The Jerk).

This is for you, for us, your highness. Largest file I can find. With pride.

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But sure, I know her name. It’s Carrie Fisher. Which is why the guy who does a website in me starts searching for “Carrie Fisher” (which is something I actually do always feel kinda bad about). And I find Carrie Fisher. I found her in 1973. And she kinda ruled. Read this on the new site.

“Before they meet you, people have made up their minds. So if you go into show business you must be a big star or forget it.”

That’s what she told the AP reporter that year when the first real stuff about her started showing up. Because all the real stuff about her was about her being Debbie Reynolds’ daughter and Eddie Fisher’s daughter, which is understandable. And she understood it, too. She embraced it (she was apparently good at embracing things).  I’m pretty sure I read in a Weekly Reader or something that struggling against the cocoon builds up the butterfly’s wings. Emerging from the “Daughter of” shadow would make her stronger. That’s how she looked at it. And Lord, that’s what she did.

Because I know it sounds bad, but until Jennie started looking up stuff about her when we heard about the heart attack, I had no idea she was Debbie Reynolds’ daughter. Honestly, I barely even know who Debbie Reynolds is or was or whatever. I mean, I know the name. Maybe the face. She was still a thing, even when she wasn’t still a thing. But Eddie Fisher? I probably would have said a singer if you’d asked me. Other than that, I got nothing.

She didn’t come out of her parents’ shadows. She swallowed them up in her own. That takes a special someone.

If I had stayed in Lubbock an extra week (seven years ago), I could have interviewed her. I almost did, just for that. Totally should have.

“Sorry five-year-old daughter, I know I haven’t seen you in 6 weeks, but we’re going to have to make it seven…”

Again, check this out.

the human fund

Christmas present from 11-year-old comic genius Sadie.

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I do my best to mute and stay away from ‘The Contest’ type episodes and stuff, but when I see and hear things like this I thank God for our Seinfeld cultural studies class. Paying off big time.

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This starts out so great. The woods part. Up until just after the zoom in on the eyes.

The song is so great. I have daydreams of getting into something like a studio with her, but actually like a real life situation, like a video setting or something but it’s real, and belting it out with her. Because I can. I can hit it. And it’s good. My voice is right there with it, loud and clear.  Juliana Barwick has a powerful effect on the whole fam, especially myself and Quinn. I’d seriously PayPal her some cash if there was a place to do it. Or wait, I guess I could just actually buy a record or something. Wild. Are there 3xT Juliana Barwick shirts? But yeah, The Magic Place gets him to sleep and Same keeps him there and takes me places.

OMG, places like The Magic Place! I just checked the video for that and the whole thing is great. Gosh it’s good. It’s perfect. We all started in heaven.

giving thanks to God and google on a brain stretch saturday morning

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thanks guys. looks like a fun group. 

 

GOOGLE DOCS IS REALLY GREAT. Typed that with cap locks on but I’m not changing it. Here’s the thing, a lot about Google bothers me. But they make an incredible product. I mean they are doing it. Photos. Docs. God is slipping code to Google, shortcuts to unlocking our creative potential and stuff and that’s really the meat of the matter — God can use people who bother you. God can use anything. I’m not going to cringe at the color of my blood because it happens to match a Bama jersey. Let not the devil claim for bad what God has said was good. I mean, I guess you could even say that about the devil. Like about how you have to have a bad guy for it to be a good story. Sadie thought bedtime thoughts about that stuff when she was, like, seven.

I’m not going to let the Madonna now ruin the Madonna then, the one I thought about and think about. I’m not going to let morons ruin their TV characters for me, especially the ones on Mike Judge shows because MJ’s cool. I’ll just pray they give up the moron game. I’m fine with not buying certain things, though. That’s easy. Well, except Diet Coke. Hope nothing happens with Diet Coke. I digress. Point is, Google is really helping me. They deserve all the kudos they get. Same with Wikipedia. I just donated. I donated 20 dollars to Wikipedia. I may even buy a shirt. Think of how much you use Wikipedia. Lord, I’d even donate to Google and Google owns money. Does Bing have cool things? (Maybe I should check them out, too. Play both sides. But I’d feel doing that to Google. Seriously, they’ve really impressed me lately.)

Same with Amazon. Man, apparently the guy owns the Washington Post and WaPo sucks like the rest but still. Makes a great product. Or service or whatever. For crying out loud — Prime? Video? Two freaking days? It’s amazing. What hath God wrought level stuff. The other day I bought local. And they only reason was because I did the sneaky barcode check and it was cheaper, for once. And I happened to be driving by. And I wanted it instantly. Even though I could have waited. That’s it. That’s the only reason. Adapt, man.

In other news, loving the radio show these days. I mean I always have but it’s just really fun and I’ve been waking up in full appreciation. Rich has always said it’s like acting. And it’s not like I haven’t known that, but it really is. We play these parts and it’s fun. And I get to express myself in ways I can’t anywhere else. I mean, I’m trying, but nothing comes close to ol’ Jer Bear. Cue the Toto…

Got some deals cooking. God is faithful. He really is. I mean, it’s not like He has to be faithful, I’m just saying God has a plan for your life. Or at least my life. I’m assuming your life too. It’s hard to not think that you’re special, a special kind of special. And I’ll never be able to shake it entirely. And maybe that’s fine because we’re all special, and I do definitely believe that. I don’t know, I’m just saying God has a plan and it’s hard to know exactly what it is sometimes but when it starts to happen then you know.

Possibly related, I’m embracing the way I am. The way I operate. I’m all about disciplined writing and stuff, and that’s great for dudes who live upstairs downstairs lives with wives they never talk about, for bachelor hobos (no offense to anyone, promise), for trust fund hipsters with lofts or whatever. But I’m locked into a chaotic, unfathomably complex ecosystem and I can only do what I can do. There is no routine. Every day is a musical chair life scramble for time. And like right now, everyone is out of the house and my brain just needs to stretch and hey I got to let it stretch. Got to read that Kerouac thing, got to plan that new book, got to plan that other new book, got to start that new Twitter account and then delete it. Just Go. Just Do It. “So you’re saying yes to everything?” Jennie asked. And hey, you know how I answered.

But yeah, starting a couple of websites. Possibly writing for a couple of websites. God knows how many books I’m working on. And more on this later, but OMG I was asked–by what I can technically call Auburn University and be honest about it though technically it was the archives, but still, that’s Auburn—to give a lecture on DEAN CATER ALL CAPS. When it rains it pours. And that’s God.